If You Wanna Break These Walls Down You’re Gonna Get Bruised
From seeing me on social media, you probably wouldn’t know that I grew up being the odd one out.
I was targeted in school by girls my age for dressing differently and not being interested in partying or boys. I didn’t keep friends for very long because they would be scared away by my father or get bored that I was never allowed to hang out after school/stay over on weekends.
That feeling of ‘outsider-ness’ has stuck with me as an adult, I still have a constant fear that people will discover I’m not ‘cool’ and cast me aside, and for that reason I find it incredibly difficult to connect with or trust people when I’m never sure if people like me for who I am, rather than what I can get them.
However, I’m extremely lucky to have found people in wrestling who are as odd as me, who understand feeling like an outsider – but never treat me like one.
Part of the reason I developed my character The Princess of Ponsonby is because she is so opposite to me, while she flaunts her wealth and beauty and demands attention, I’m in a $12 Kmart hoodie staring at my feet refusing to make eye contact.
Do I think I will ever get over feeling like a fraud?
Probably not, but consciously participating in my life, rather than sitting back and letting loneliness be my default setting is a good start.
I’m sure that after a while people will get used to me singing ‘Silly Songs with Larry’ over Top40 hits.
The Princess of Ponsonby